Blog by Tracy Stock, CSP

A critical part of any relationship allows you the opportunity to relax, be yourself, and depend on another person. It provides you with the safety and security you need to turn to another person for comfort, reassurance, assistance, and affection. Without it, it is incredibly difficult to develop an intimate, close connection with another person. What important component am I referring to? Trust.

Trusting another person may seem simple; yet, it can be hard for some. Trust issues can manifest in a variety of ways. For example, those who find it difficult to trust may not believe what other people say. They may feel suspicious of what others want from them and may question their intentions and motivations. So what causes trust issues? They are often connected to negative experiences in the past—such as relationship betrayal, social rejection, trauma or heightened insecurity. These undesirable encounters often interfere with the ability to believe in others.

While it can be a challenging emotional undertaking, it is possible to overcome problems with trust. Here are a few trust-building strategies you may find useful:

• Build Trust Slowly. It is important to trust people enough to allow them into your life and—in some cases—to forgive them for mistakes. Taking your time with it can sometimes help. If you find yourself trying to trust too quickly (and perhaps, too intensely), then it may be time to pull back and work up to that level of trust again.

• Talk About Your Trust Issues. While you don’t need to provide every detail about what happened to you in the past, being open about why you struggle with trust can help others understand you better. By communicating with your partner, they can be more aware of how their actions might be interpreted.

• Distinguish Between Trust and Control. People with trust issues often feel a need for control and this can sometimes manifest as mistrusting behavior. You might feel like you are being betrayed or taken advantage of if you don’t have complete control over most situations; however, this will only hurt your relationships in the long run. Learning how much control you should bear in a given situation is key to building trust with other people.

• Make Trust a Priority. Trusting others can be difficult, but trust-building is an essential part of any relationship—romantic or otherwise. Make trust a priority in your life, even if it’s challenging to do. 

• Be Trustworthy. If you try to build trust with someone else, you have to be willing to trust them first. This means being open about your feelings, opinions, thoughts, and limits. It also means being understanding when the person breaks that trust because everyone makes mistakes. Learning how to balance these two ideas will help establish healthy interpersonal relationships that are based on trust.

• Start with Trusting Yourself. One of the best ways to practice trust is to trust yourself. This doesn’t mean you should never question yourself or your choices. It just means that building a stronger self-awareness can help guide your judgments and interactions with others. One way to start down this path is to practice mindfulness. By being more fully aware of the present moment—like noticing your breathing or feeling sensations in your body—you can learn to not dwell so much in the past or project too often into the future. As the famous saying goes, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”

Remember, trust is said to be as important as the air you breathe. Why? Because it takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever—if ever—to repair. So inhale deeply and safeguard trust as one of your most valued and cherished gifts.