Even though most of us understand being accountable is important, and likely an expectation, sometimes excuses are heard. Do any of these sound familiar?

• I’ve been under a lot of stress lately.
• I didn’t know it was my responsibility.
• Why me?
• I can’t do everything around here.
• You should have listened closer.
• Why didn’t you follow-up?

Instead of blaming others or not taking ownership, here are various ways you can personally demonstrate more accountability and help your teams do the same. Below are points to ponder—do you or your team do them well, or not? If no, consider implementing several of them.

• Acknowledge the reality and your role, no matter how unpleasant or unfair it may appear/be.

• Demonstrate courage to admit mistakes and recognize the need for improvement.

• View the issue from all sides and perspectives.

• Resist allowing outside actions to keep you stuck. Accept feedback and act on the situation.

• Consider possible solutions, anticipating what could occur and preparing for both the best and worst scenarios.

• Continually ask, “What else can I do?” This question helps to avoid slipping back into a victim cycle.

• Accept appropriate risk and take a significant step that’s necessary to accomplish the team goal.

• Develop the willingness and means to do what you’ve planned.

Demonstrating accountability is essential for every employee within an organization, and it starts with you. As you and others continue to execute and value it, accountability will deliver numerous business benefits: better execution, lower employee turnover, and more creativity and innovation. Shifting to being more accountable may require a change in behavior from you, your team, and/or your organization, but leaders, managers and employees alike will find the results are well worth the effort. 

When you dine at a nice restaurant, what part of the meal do you look forward to the most? Is it the appetizer, salad or soup, main entrée, or dessert? The main entrée might be what entices you to go to that establishment, but I frequently scan the dessert menu and see what the options are before ordering the main course. Why? Well, the answer is simple. I love dessert.

Whether you crave sweet, savory, or decadent delights, indulging in tasty treats during the confectionery course is blissful! Imagine reading this…The Ultimate Chocolate Cake is made with velvety chocolate mousse between layers of chocolate decadence and moist chocolate butter cake on a chocolate cookie crust, finished with chocolate butter icing. Well, that just sounds awful, right? NOT! So why is it that we feel guilty or wrong for planning our meal with an ending that is magnificent?

I believe it is because of unwritten rules; rules that don’t exist; yet, shape our opinions and drive our decisions.

Consider what you ate for breakfast over the last week or two. Did it include cereal, an energy bar, bagels with flavored cream cheese, waffles or pancakes, a pop tart, or oatmeal? My guess, is that for many of us, we chose one of the go-to breakfast biggies, and oatmeal isn’t one of them. So let’s see…what is the difference between a bowl of sugar-infused cereal or an ice cream drumstick? The honest answer is…not much. Yet, we have been brain-washed to believe that eating something like cereal in the morning is good, healthy and the right thing to do. Well, in the last several years, I have thrown that advice simply “out the window.” I’ll enjoy a hard-boiled egg or two with a little salt and pepper (tossing out some of the yolk to decrease the fat and still eat a protein-enriched palette-appealing item), and add in a little delight. My jolt of happiness comes from luscious chocolate that gives way to sweet, refreshing mint, which is full-bodied and sweetly smooth, making other snacks green with envy. What is it? It is the NESTLÉ^® SIMPLY DIPPED^™ MINT CONE.

I know what you are thinking. Ice cream for breakfast? That’s unheard of! And I say, really? How is my little delight so different from other common breakfast go-to items? It’s not. I just choose to start my day with some protein and a little fun.

I’ve come to realize that we don’t need to follow rules that don’t exist. Kids get it, yet adults don’t. When a child is given a donut, they often lick the frosting off the top of the donut first. Why? Because that is the tastiest part! What’s wrong with that? Nothing.

Instead of following life’s unwritten rules, stay curious and ask questions. Consider one thing I could do to make “this” a little bit better? Now that’s instant innovation! The ability to see things with new eyes is priceless.

Let’s consider dandalions. Many of us hire landscaping experts to prevent or rid our lawns of these pesty weeds. But are dandalions weeds or wishes? Ask any kid their perspective and theirs may be different than yours.

My point is simple. Life is about perspective. As Ellen Glasglow says, “The only difference between a rut and a grave are dimensions.”

Days can be long and years often short. Enjoy the gift of life each and every day. And the next time your sweet tooth comes a-knockin’, take a moment to enjoy a small indulgence, one worthy of bringing a smile to your face. After all, if we ignore that craving, we feel strong. But if we delight in that delicacy, there is always a 100 percent chance it will be awesome. Now those are my kind of odds.

Blog by Tracy Stock, CSP

How can we pursue and set healthy boundaries, where we live the life we want to live, rather than existing in another person’s shadow? I believe it starts by knowing what you like, need, want, and don’t want, and then making choices which are aligned with those needs and wants. That doesn’t mean you live your life without compromise or flexibility; you just don’t give into the demands and unrealistic expectations of others. Following are some thoughts and actions that lead to healthier boundaries:

• Develop a strong sense of personal identity. Realize and take pride in what makes you unique.
• Respect yourself. Feel an inner confidence and assurance, independent of praise from others.
• Be respectful of others. Look for positive and honorable qualities in others.
• Forgive. Forgive others and yourself. Move on from past mistakes and difficult situations.
• Accept accountability. When things go wrong, be accountable for your mistakes without pointing fingers at others.
• Teach your lips to say no.  Understand that you are free to say yes or no. And, when appropriate, you should do so without feelings of guilt, anger or fear.
• Expect mutual benefit in relationships. Whether at work or at home, healthy relationships should provide value and benefit for both parties. It likely won’t be the same for each of you, but it should be a shared venture.
• Welcome feedback. Some feedback is positive, and some is constructive. Understand the intent of the other person, and try to look past how it was delivered. Choose to learn and grow from feedback you receive. 
• Refuse to take on the problems of others. It is admirable to help others through difficult situations; however, there is a big difference between offering assistance and accepting another person’s problem as your own.
• Celebrate successes. Celebrate personal accomplishments by treating yourself to a movie, taking a vacation day to do what you want, indulging in a small treat, etc. Additionally, get in the habit of noticing and applauding the success of others. By recognizing another person’s achievements, you are demonstrating value and appreciation for their effort and results.

I realize that treating the disease to please and making brave choices in the process isn’t easy. Putting your needs first and teaching others how to treat us can be very difficult. Actually admitting how you feel to yourself may be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Yet I have found that after feeling a little guilty at first, you likely will have less stress in your life—eventually feeling and being much happier, more liberated, and a lot stronger. You will be a better you.

Blog by Tracy Stock, CSP

Asking effective questions is not only helpful, but a productive way of obtaining a clearer understanding and potentially getting us closer to obtaining what we want. Most people agree, yet their actions don’t follow.

Effective questions are open-ended, non-leading, and ask “what” or “how” versus “why.” “Why” questions are great for soliciting information, but can lead to feelings of defensiveness. For example: “What do you think the problem is?” versus “Why do you think there is a problem?”

And when asking effective questions, it is important to wait for the answer and resist providing it, especially in the presence of an awkward silence. It is also about listening to the answer and suspending judgment. Let go of your opinions and listen intently to what the person is saying, as well as what is behind the words. Examples of effective questions include:

• What seems to be the issue from your perspective?
• How do you feel about _____________?
• What concerns you the most about _____________?
• What is your desired outcome?
• What do you foresee as obstacles with this plan?
• Tell me more about _______________.

Listening can be difficult, though, when posing a question to someone. There are various factors that impact the art of listening. Perhaps it is because there is a desire to maintain control of the conversation. Or maybe, rather than answering the question directly, the person who was asked the question wants to share more information for deeper understanding and it is viewed by the questioner as a tactic to side-step it. Whatever the reason, sharpening our listening skills can only help reach greater understanding.

To enhance listening skills when asking effective questions, here are a three helpful strategies:

Focus Outward. Rather than focusing your attention on how the words you hear affect you—like considering your thoughts, issues, feelings, etc.—focus your attention outwardly on the person saying them. Listen not only for the words that are said, but listen for what they value and what is important to him/her. Instead of planning on what you will say next, listen carefully and completely. 

Clarify. Clarifying is a combination of asking and clearly articulating what you’ve heard. If someone is being vague, politely help them by restating what you heard s/he say. For example: “If I understand you correctly, you are concerned about X and want to better understand how Y works. Is that right?”

Pause. The power of the pause helps the other person to complete his/her thought and doesn’t invoke your opinion or idea. If you feel the person is stuck and wants your assistance with finding the right words, perhaps reassuring him/her that you care and want to better understand. For example, “It may be difficult to find the right words. I care, though, and want to hear your perspective.”

Given the high stakes of the upcoming Presidential election, enrich your understanding by asking at least one effective question today.  

Blog by Tracy Stock, CSP

Are you working in a job and/or career that is aligned with your strengths? Do you feel as if you are an integral part of your team, contributing to their success…or do you feel as if you are trying to force your abilities into a role or team/organization where they just don’t fit? 

The good news is that there are key questions to help determine if you’re in a job that combines: 

• What you like to do.
• What you do best.
• What adds value.  

Harvard Business Review published 15 key questions to ask yourself to see if there is a job fit…or not.

1. What are you best at doing?

It is amazing how many people spend years trying to get good at what they’re bad at instead of getting better at what they’re good at.

2. What do you like to do the most?

This is not always the same as the answer to question #1.  Unless it is illegal or bad for you, do what you like.  If it is also productive and useful, it ought to be your career.

3. What do you wish you were better at?

Your answer may guide you to a course you should take or a mentor you should work with.  It may also indicate a task you should delegate.

4. What talents do you have that you haven’t developed?

Don’t say none.

5. Which of your skills are you most proud of?

This often reflects obstacles you’ve overcome.

6. What do others most often say are your greatest strengths?

This question helps you identify skills you may not value because they seem easy to you.

7. What have you gotten better at?

This gives you an idea of where putting in additional effort can pay off.

8. What can you not get better at no matter how hard you try?

This tells you where not to waste any more time. (If this is a core competency for your current role, you may want to consider switching careers.)

9. What do you most dislike doing?

Your answer here suggests what tasks you might want to delegate or hire out.

10. Which skills do you need to develop in order to perform your job?

Your answer to this question might lead you to take a course, read a book, or work with a mentor or coach.

11. What sort of people do you work best/worst with?

Do you love to work with highly organized, analytic types?  Do creative types drive you crazy?  Make up your own categories.

12. What sort of organizational culture brings out the best in you?

It is amazing how many people won’t leave a culture for which they are totally unsuited.

13. What were you doing when you were happiest in your work life?

Could you find a way to be doing that now?

14. What are your most cherished hopes for your future work life?

What could keep you from realizing those hopes?

15. How could your time be better used in your current job to add value to the organization?

Your answer here gives your manager valuable input he or she may never have thought to ask for.

So let’s say you are struggling with a comfortable job fit. What can you do? One fantastic assessment tool I recommend is Hogan’s HPI (Hogan Personality Inventory). HPI reports can help you identify fundamental factors that determine targeted career success in the following ways:

• Notes strengths and shortcomings.
• Makes suggestions about how to manage an individual’s career.
• Pinpoints characteristics relevant for success in most work environments.
• Notes interview style.
• Summarizes the recommendation for job fit and potential hiring.
• Classifies candidates as high fit, moderate fit, or low fit.

Remember, without the right job fit, you may never experience as much happiness and success as you deserve at work. So focus on aligning your skills in the right role and achieve your true potential!

Blog by Tracy Stock, CSP

I remember the days when my boys were young and the amazement they often wore on their faces. Simple acts create shared pleasure.

A number of years ago, my youngest son asked me to please take him to McDonald’s to buy him a smoothie, just as we began to drive home in the opposite direction. I replied to him in a quick and assertive tone, “I need to get home and get back to work; I’ve got some tight deadlines I have to meet.” 

As I looked over on my son’s face, I saw a sad and disappointed look which made my heart ache. He is such a sweet and amazing boy, and if that reason I spit out was true, wow, it is pretty bad if I can’t take three minutes out of my life to buy my son a cool, refreshing beverage. As I entered the round-about, I quickly decided to do a full loop and head back toward the restaurant. He asked, “Mom, where are we going?” I replied with a smile, “to McDonald’s of course.” “You are the best!” he replied. I am always astonished at how big parents are in the eyes of their children and how such small random acts of kindness are truly appreciated. 

The interesting thing is that an amazing feeling came over me when I shared where we were going after departing from the circular intersection. My son was certainly happy, but I was elated. Joy is one of those emotions that definitely goes both ways…from sender to receiver and receiver to sender, all in a matter of seconds. That small gesture not only created a moment of shared delight, but it also helped alter my mindset and got me out of my short-term funk. 

So how do we live our lives infused with more habits of happiness and less ruts of negativity?

I have found that we all have times in our life where things go wrong, where they don’t go as we had obviously planned, and they may even lead us down a horrible, unwanted path. But those of us who choose to be positive and look at life from an optimistic lens, make conscious choices about how we respond to situations, rather than automatically reacting to the circumstances before us. 

I have a saying that I am known for: “I don’t have bad days; I may have unfortunate moments through a day, but not everything that happened to me during a particular day was bad.” I continually challenge myself to consider one, two or even three things that occurred that were good on a day that was unusually physically tough, emotionally draining, or just simply difficult to handle. This happiness habit, as I refer to it, is one that I choose to follow and live by daily. 

I believe that we each have the power to control our reactions, attitudes and intentions. But if we see ourselves as victims of circumstances or events, it is probably impossible to stay positive, even with our strongest intent. Don’t give into the victim mentality. You are worth more than that. You deserve as much happiness as anyone else. But just because you deserve it, doesn’t mean you will automatically get it. As with anything that is worth having, happiness is a habit that takes conscious thought and steadfast self-discipline. Simply put…work hard at it and you are more likely to reap the rewards. After all, I would choose a life filled with passion, purpose and positive people over one that is depressing, pessimistic, and consumed with negative naysayers, every single moment of every single day. My hunch is that all of us would.

Life is short. Enjoy the simple pleasures all around us and within each of us. Relish the feeling of the warm sun on your skin and the cool gentle breeze through your hair. Offer a hand to someone unexpectedly, even if it means five minutes out of your day. Surprise someone special with a tasty treat, and adore the large grin you see from ear to ear. 

Choose to spread happiness, as if it were a contagious habit. 

Blog by Tracy Stock, CSP

Last month I was involved in a three-car accident. My car endured $11,000 worth of damage, with the entire right side of my vehicle smashed from front to back, including two fairly nice-sized holes in the right rear door and right back panel. The auto-body technician said he had never seen anything quite like that before. That comment was concerning. My beautiful, shiny, sporty white car…no more.

From driving down the street on a gorgeous sunny day without a care on my mind to suddenly this…police statements, insurance forms, calls from the agent, calls from my insurer, calls from the adjuster, calls from the body shop, a call from the rental car company, more forms, a call to the doctor, more paperwork, a call from the other insurance company, more doctor appointments, and still…more paperwork. Overall, it was a tough pill to swallow. But as the saying goes, it’s just a car and it could have been so much worse. No one was thankfully seriously injured; yet the neck and back pain likely won’t leave as quickly as it came.

What I found to be amazing, though, was the difference in perspectives. The three drivers were all there. We all experienced the same accident. Yet how two of us recount the events couldn’t have been more different.

After calling the police, three officers arrived quickly to the scene and began to assess the situation. One officer walked to driver #1 and asked him to explain what happened. He responded, “After checking for traffic, I pulled out from this parking spot and she hit me.” I walked closer, took a deep breath and calmly said, “I hit you?” He replied, “Ya.” I asked, “How is that possible? If we look at the damage on my car, how could me hitting you have caused this damage? Or am I wrong?” After seeing a confused expression on the driver’s face, I then turned and looked at the officer, awaiting his response.

I honestly believe this young man thought I hit him. At the very least, he was somewhat convincing…even to me. I started to question myself. How crazy is that? I did and still do feel bad for that young driver. It was a simple mistake and he is going to pay for it, likely with his license. I realize that it is the responsibility of each driver to be mindful and careful, but I am also a Mom, and I feel for young drivers when they are involved in accidents. Although, I didn’t feel bad enough to accept the blame, nor should I. He was given a citation and I was left to deal with my wrecked vehicle and minor injuries.

So my feeling on this accident is that we all share perspectives that we see through our own lens. It may be “the truth” or it could be “our truth.” The challenge is to figure out which perspective is right. It isn’t about “they” versus “us.” Instead, it is about listening, questioning, and truly trying to understand. Real listening, better known as “active listening”, is something many of us take for granted…like it is a skill we all possess. Unfortunately, many do not either have this skill or exercise it as often as s/he could. If you want to learn more about how to engage in real listening, William Ury is one quality source. He is a world-renowned mediator, and works with conflict involving board-room battles to ethic wars across the globe. Click here to “listen” to Ury’s perspective.

Blog by Tracy Stock, CSP

PRIDE. It’s a powerful emotion. Pride is an inwardly directed emotion that carries two antithetical meanings. 

With a negative connotation pride refers to a foolishly and irrationally corrupt sense of one’s personal value, status or accomplishments.

With a positive connotation, pride refers to a humble and content sense of attachment toward one’s own or another’s choices and actions, or toward a whole group of people, and is a product of praise, independent self-reflection, and a fulfilled feeling of belonging.

This past week I felt an immense sense of pride, but it was bittersweet.

Someone very special to me has made choices that have led him down an unconventional and difficult path. He chose to hang with a group of friends that were far from being a positive influence, which then led to more negative choices. After enduring six stints in jail before age 19, facing two felony charges (among many other misdemeanors), and deciding to drop out of high school, this individual has chosen to live a less-than-easy life.

Over the course of the last year, though, he has remained clean, maintained a full-time job, is successfully living on his own in a nice apartment he calls home, pays bills on time, renewed his driver’s license after it was reinstated, bought a car and is insuring it, AND decided to adjust his work schedule to go back to high school to earn his diploma. After many long days, hours, and endless effort, a little less than one week before graduation day we were making the final plans for who would be attending the ceremony, we finalized our family celebration event, decided on the perfect outfit, and wrapped the gifts we couldn’t wait to give.

On Monday, May 30, just three days before graduation, I received a dreaded and heart-wrenching call. He was arrested and currently residing in a holding cell.

Incredible fear. Intense anxiety. Too many questions to even imagine. What happened? How could this be possible? Is the agonizing whirlwind happening yet again?

Today is June 5, and unfortunately we know little more than we did on May 30. The charges are incredibly steep, but the proof is weak. I believe in his innocence and pray our judicial system leans in our favor. This week will offer many more answers.

I don’t feel any less pride for him for attaining the milestone of graduating high school. In fact, it is that much more meaningful knowing the extra efforts that went into making it happen after dropping out. But I feel robbed of experiencing the joy and expressing the pride that was so deserving. He and I will never get that back. It is lost forever. Pride feels incredible when you are able to express it and enjoy it; yet it is tremendously painful when it is forced to be contained.

Whether feeling the powerful emotion of pride is positive or negative, I believe it is important to focus on what you can control. We all face obstacles, but it is our reaction to the tough stuff that we can control. How we choose to react will either lead us into a downward spiral of pain and sorrow, or lift us to a renewed sense of optimism. It is our choice.

After all…he did graduate–and even though he didn’t get to be honored in the same way as others, he did ultimately accomplish his goal. But as with other tracks in life, this one was yet another that was unconventional. What’s important to remember is that no one person paves the same path as anyone else. We each make choices that lead us down our path. I can only hope that his detour is short-lived and he can soon resume living his positive life.